After the craziness that was last semester, I finally received my results.
They were:
- 87 for torts (high distinction)
- 81 for contracts (distinction)
- High distinction for understanding communication
I am stoked with these results, however they pose a bit of a double-edged sword as now I have added incentive to continue my fucked up study patterns.
I broke up with my boyfriend. A lot has happened regarding this particular topic - suffice to say, it was messy and is still an ongoing issue that has not been definitively resolved as of yet.
Revue ended last week. Whilst I admit that I lacked any drive or passion in the beginning, towards the end the experience really grew on me. My fellow cast members and I became much closer than I would have anticipated early on. The adrenaline and love during and after our first performance was palpable - think hugs that squeeze and clenched fists and teeth. I still have a bit of the ol' post-show blues.
Work's still going very well. We have just found a new paralegal. He started work yesterday, though I wasn't working that day. I'm interested to see how he fared.
Saturday, 24 August 2013
Saturday, 6 July 2013
The Aftermath
So the exams passed without much incident, thank god. I am waiting on the results now, which should be coming in about 10 days.
I've gotten a job as a paralegal now, working in a personal injury law firm. It's great, I'm getting loads of experience, my co-workers are amazing, and the cash ain't bad too.
I came back from a run half an hour ago, and am still struggling to breathe and feel like I'm going to vomit. I only ran for 3 minutes (literally). I know I'm unfit, which would no doubt be a cause for my obvious exercise-related incompetence, but I think it's quite probable that I have some form of asthma/low blood sugar levels. It doesn't seem right that I can only run at night/in cold weather in an effort to avoid fainting (which has happened before). Often I find it difficult to breathe even when not physically exerting myself, for example in planes and cinemas, where oxygen is more scarce (due to the presence of many people in an enclosed, poorly ventilated space).
I have been putting off getting myself checked out for too long. In the meantime, if anyone has any idea of what I may be suffering/has similar symptoms, please feel free to comment.
I've gotten a job as a paralegal now, working in a personal injury law firm. It's great, I'm getting loads of experience, my co-workers are amazing, and the cash ain't bad too.
I came back from a run half an hour ago, and am still struggling to breathe and feel like I'm going to vomit. I only ran for 3 minutes (literally). I know I'm unfit, which would no doubt be a cause for my obvious exercise-related incompetence, but I think it's quite probable that I have some form of asthma/low blood sugar levels. It doesn't seem right that I can only run at night/in cold weather in an effort to avoid fainting (which has happened before). Often I find it difficult to breathe even when not physically exerting myself, for example in planes and cinemas, where oxygen is more scarce (due to the presence of many people in an enclosed, poorly ventilated space).
I have been putting off getting myself checked out for too long. In the meantime, if anyone has any idea of what I may be suffering/has similar symptoms, please feel free to comment.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
1 down, 1 to go
So yesterday I did my contracts exam. No major dramas. I brought a bottle of water in with me as I find that helps the most when I'm in a fainting spell. I felt unusually calm, although there was a spike in adrenaline when I finished the multiple choice part to tackle on the first essay answer problem question. But all in all, it was okay (though some people said it was the worst exam they had ever sat).
It's just my torts exam left now. I was doing a few problem questions. They take absolutely ages to write. My consolation, however, is that the tutors said this exam would be much shorter. Thank god.
It's just my torts exam left now. I was doing a few problem questions. They take absolutely ages to write. My consolation, however, is that the tutors said this exam would be much shorter. Thank god.
Sunday, 9 June 2013
How not to "relax" for exams
I get stressed. Really, really stressed for exams. I mentioned before that I fainted in one last year. It was so scary. Yet I remember the only thought in my mind was that every second I spent recovering, unable to lift my body from the table, was a second less I had to finish my answer. The exam supervisors were telling me to fuck the exam, look at the state you're in, what on earth are you doing? At the same time I was lying there, dragging my hand along the page, struggling to get past the tunnel vision I was experiencing. It was horrible. I cried afterwards.
So to anyone who has ever felt like they are affected more severely than exams than the average student: You are not alone.
I was terrified when my next exam came a week later. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen again. I bought some gum before my train ride to the examination hall to ease stress by chewing, and put soothing music the whole way. Walking into the room - the same room I had exited in tears the week before - completely filled me with dread. I didn't know if I could take it.
The thing is it's irrational; no matter how hard or long I spend studying, no matter how prepared I am or feel, there's just something about examinations that floors me.
I feel like at this point I am supposed to tell you about how I overcame it, or some secret to reducing stress in such a situation. People say "just focus on your breathing" - I tried that at the time, but when you're gone, you're gone. My next exam is in 2 days, and the one after is on Saturday.
Perhaps I'll have an answer then. At the moment, however, I'm just hoping it won't happen again.
So to anyone who has ever felt like they are affected more severely than exams than the average student: You are not alone.
I was terrified when my next exam came a week later. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen again. I bought some gum before my train ride to the examination hall to ease stress by chewing, and put soothing music the whole way. Walking into the room - the same room I had exited in tears the week before - completely filled me with dread. I didn't know if I could take it.
The thing is it's irrational; no matter how hard or long I spend studying, no matter how prepared I am or feel, there's just something about examinations that floors me.
I feel like at this point I am supposed to tell you about how I overcame it, or some secret to reducing stress in such a situation. People say "just focus on your breathing" - I tried that at the time, but when you're gone, you're gone. My next exam is in 2 days, and the one after is on Saturday.
Perhaps I'll have an answer then. At the moment, however, I'm just hoping it won't happen again.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
High Distinctions and worries
So I was pretty glad the other day when I found out I got a high distinction for class participation in torts, particularly when earlier my tutor said she'd be unlikely to give a high distinction to anyone in my class (subtext: because we sucked ass at it).
Though in the end it doesn't matter. For torts, one of the assessments is class participation, but there's also an optional essay. For those who do the essay, the higher mark of the two is doubled to represent 40% of their marks in the subject. I received the exact same mark for both, so I guess I was less excited about the HD than perhaps would be usual for me.
I've skipped revue practice the last 3 times - earlier I had emailed the director about saying I wouldn't be attending until after my last exam. It's a bit strange for me because usually I'm a huge keen bean (last year I didn't miss even one rehearsal, and I was only late once - by an hour - because my boyfriend and I had a few days break in the Blue Mountains and we were hurrying back in our 2 hour drive back to Sydney). But this semester I've gone all crazy on work.
My mental health was relatively good today, although my first exam's in 4 days. As I'm typing this I'm proof-checking the last 6 pages of the thousand pages of notes I've typed this semester (I wish I was kidding, but it's a pretty accurate figure). Yesterday my mum and sister were going to Vivid, and although I had work left over for the day I thought, what the hell, I literally hadn't been out of the house in 2 weeks - as in completely literally not gone out except for one time when I walked out into the back yard for 3 minutes to make sure I wasn't completely vitamin D deficient. So I went. I regretted it at the time - it was dull, cold, and I kept thinking of all the work I was missing out on doing and how I'd have to do everything the next day. I appreciated it when I got back home, though. The fresh air cleared my head a bit and I actually finished the majority of what I had planned for that day, working into the wee hours of the morning.
To top it off, it's only 8:13pm and I'm actually almost done. This is great. No more working at midnight from now on (..for this semester)! It's just practice papers from here on in.
Okay I think I'll get the rest of my work over with before I write anymore. Just to totally relax.
Done. I don't feel relaxed. I feel really anxious and guilty I'm not doing work right now.
Okay, I had a quick look at some past papers to try and convince/assure myself I know what I'm doing.
I have been obsessed with Wildfox Bel Air sunglasses for an hour now.
Though in the end it doesn't matter. For torts, one of the assessments is class participation, but there's also an optional essay. For those who do the essay, the higher mark of the two is doubled to represent 40% of their marks in the subject. I received the exact same mark for both, so I guess I was less excited about the HD than perhaps would be usual for me.
I've skipped revue practice the last 3 times - earlier I had emailed the director about saying I wouldn't be attending until after my last exam. It's a bit strange for me because usually I'm a huge keen bean (last year I didn't miss even one rehearsal, and I was only late once - by an hour - because my boyfriend and I had a few days break in the Blue Mountains and we were hurrying back in our 2 hour drive back to Sydney). But this semester I've gone all crazy on work.
My mental health was relatively good today, although my first exam's in 4 days. As I'm typing this I'm proof-checking the last 6 pages of the thousand pages of notes I've typed this semester (I wish I was kidding, but it's a pretty accurate figure). Yesterday my mum and sister were going to Vivid, and although I had work left over for the day I thought, what the hell, I literally hadn't been out of the house in 2 weeks - as in completely literally not gone out except for one time when I walked out into the back yard for 3 minutes to make sure I wasn't completely vitamin D deficient. So I went. I regretted it at the time - it was dull, cold, and I kept thinking of all the work I was missing out on doing and how I'd have to do everything the next day. I appreciated it when I got back home, though. The fresh air cleared my head a bit and I actually finished the majority of what I had planned for that day, working into the wee hours of the morning.
To top it off, it's only 8:13pm and I'm actually almost done. This is great. No more working at midnight from now on (..for this semester)! It's just practice papers from here on in.
Okay I think I'll get the rest of my work over with before I write anymore. Just to totally relax.
Done. I don't feel relaxed. I feel really anxious and guilty I'm not doing work right now.
Okay, I had a quick look at some past papers to try and convince/assure myself I know what I'm doing.
I have been obsessed with Wildfox Bel Air sunglasses for an hour now.
Friday, 31 May 2013
Fears
One of my biggest fears is what I am working towards. The reason why I study so much and spend so time on my work is because I have this inflated sense of "the future" and "success". I don't know what any of it means. I don't even know if I want it. I don't want to be working like this all my life, and I'm afraid that if I do end up in a top-tier law firm, I will effectively have trapped myself into that lifestyle.
At the same time, there's nothing I can do about it. There is no way I'm not going to try for it, and there's no way I'm going to work any less for it. I can't bring myself to do that.
I look forward to the holidays so much. They're the only times I can really let loose, and I constantly tell myself they're not far away.
The problem is (as has been pointed out to me) that I don't seem to be living life for "now" - only the future. Will it be like this when I'm working? Will I effectively be working all my life, looking forward to when I can relax years later in retirement?
The thought frightens me.
At the same time, there's nothing I can do about it. There is no way I'm not going to try for it, and there's no way I'm going to work any less for it. I can't bring myself to do that.
I look forward to the holidays so much. They're the only times I can really let loose, and I constantly tell myself they're not far away.
The problem is (as has been pointed out to me) that I don't seem to be living life for "now" - only the future. Will it be like this when I'm working? Will I effectively be working all my life, looking forward to when I can relax years later in retirement?
The thought frightens me.
Laziness and profit
I sold out.
A few hours ago, one of my classmates Facebook messaged me to ask for my notes, saying she'll pay $50 for them as she couldn't be bothered typing up her hand written ones.
My notes are my babies - I mentioned earlier that I spent 10 hours on them a day - but on the other hand, it was an easy $50 to make. I just had to send them to her. But at the same time, I felt like they were worth so much more (although who actually pays $50 for notes?). I didn't tell her she could probably find a billion notes online, for free, or at least for much less than $50.
It really felt a bit sick to send them. I felt as though she should be suffering as I am and have been, and that now she has the benefit of my work without needing to go through any of that.
I guess that's what $50 can get you.
A few hours ago, one of my classmates Facebook messaged me to ask for my notes, saying she'll pay $50 for them as she couldn't be bothered typing up her hand written ones.
My notes are my babies - I mentioned earlier that I spent 10 hours on them a day - but on the other hand, it was an easy $50 to make. I just had to send them to her. But at the same time, I felt like they were worth so much more (although who actually pays $50 for notes?). I didn't tell her she could probably find a billion notes online, for free, or at least for much less than $50.
It really felt a bit sick to send them. I felt as though she should be suffering as I am and have been, and that now she has the benefit of my work without needing to go through any of that.
I guess that's what $50 can get you.
The opening
The reason I chose this template was because I haven't enjoyed blue skies, green fields and sunshine for many weeks now. Exams are fast approaching; I don't even know where I'm finding the time to type this right now.
I was inspired to create this blog after my boyfriend told me how fucked I was. The URL is also inspired by him - he likes to call me a ninety-niner.
Let me explain:
I am a 19 year old law student.
I love to perform, I have friends, I like partying. All of it.
The problem is that I push it all away when I feel like I need to study. This feeling is constant. I always have every day structured for the next month as to the exact amount of work I will be doing. I rarely allow myself to deviate from this schedule - this is why when I am invited out, much of the time I am forced to say I am too busy with work. People tend to get very confused at times when I do this and exams are still a month away.
However, I still feel very, very guilty whenever I'm not doing work, even if I had finished the work I had planned for that day. My thought process is that I could be lightening the load for myself another day.
When I'm not in exam mode, I spend approximately 10 hours a day, every day, writing notes. When I get closer to exams, I spend my time whittling them down, making them manageable. It's a cruel process; I always kick myself for not making it easier in the first place and being more discerning as to what I type from the textbook.
Currently I have about 1500 pages of notes for 2 subjects. This is after I have condensed most of them (which takes hours every day).
I am involved in law revue. As I said, I love performing. I forced myself to go to the first rehearsal a week ago, because I knew I had to get out of the house for my mental well-being. I paid for it later when I moved around my timetable and had to shift much of the work I needed to do that day into the rest of my already jam-packed schedule.
Speaking of which, I received a really big shock a few weeks ago when I realised that the work I had recorded in my journal was predicated on there being an extra week - as in, I thought it was the 7th of May when it was actually the 14th. This meant that the week in between suddenly disappeared - the world became chaotic and disorganised. I didn't know what to do; I had counted on an entire extra week to do my work and I had just found out that it was gone.
I got over it and worked extra hard over the next few days. Still, it stresses me to think about it.
I usually hate procrastinating - it is unusual for me to do so. Currently I have some torts notes open in the background and I need to go back to it now and minimise this page.
I'm back. I'm almost done with today's work.
The problem with studying is much also extends to how little sleep I get. Don't get me wrong, I usually finish by 12am (it's 11:22pm now) - but I need my playtime to keep me sane. I surf Youtube, watch movies, and all round try to relish in my "freedom" (while still feeling guilty) in my last few hours of the day, before I need to wake up and do it all again the next day.
I feel like this semester has been the worst. I've worked the hardest. The pay-off is that I've gotten the highest marks that I've gotten at university so far, which really pleases me. However, I still don't *really know* because my upcoming exams are worth 60% each. It's possible that all the work I've done thus far will come to nothing, if I have a bad day.
I dread exams, far more than the usual person does. I fainted in the middle of an exam last year, because I had just realised I'd forgotten to read an entire sentence in my essay question, and had not addressed it at all although I was coming to the end of that particular essay and was about to begin the next. I got heart palpitations, began to feel faint, started to inform the exam supervisor standing next to me that I was going to faint, before the darkness became enveloping. It was horrible. I was extremely paranoid it was going to happen again during my next exam. I bought gum and chewed it to relieve stress. I listened to the Beatles' 'Across the Universe' to calm my nerves, and then I became anxious that it would be stuck in my head whilst I am doing the exam.
I am aware of how fucked I am.
I am aware I'm not alone. I know many high-achieving people, however none that experience the same anxiety attacks that I do. I'd like to meet someone who does one day.
I was inspired to create this blog after my boyfriend told me how fucked I was. The URL is also inspired by him - he likes to call me a ninety-niner.
Let me explain:
I am a 19 year old law student.
I love to perform, I have friends, I like partying. All of it.
The problem is that I push it all away when I feel like I need to study. This feeling is constant. I always have every day structured for the next month as to the exact amount of work I will be doing. I rarely allow myself to deviate from this schedule - this is why when I am invited out, much of the time I am forced to say I am too busy with work. People tend to get very confused at times when I do this and exams are still a month away.
However, I still feel very, very guilty whenever I'm not doing work, even if I had finished the work I had planned for that day. My thought process is that I could be lightening the load for myself another day.
When I'm not in exam mode, I spend approximately 10 hours a day, every day, writing notes. When I get closer to exams, I spend my time whittling them down, making them manageable. It's a cruel process; I always kick myself for not making it easier in the first place and being more discerning as to what I type from the textbook.
Currently I have about 1500 pages of notes for 2 subjects. This is after I have condensed most of them (which takes hours every day).
I am involved in law revue. As I said, I love performing. I forced myself to go to the first rehearsal a week ago, because I knew I had to get out of the house for my mental well-being. I paid for it later when I moved around my timetable and had to shift much of the work I needed to do that day into the rest of my already jam-packed schedule.
Speaking of which, I received a really big shock a few weeks ago when I realised that the work I had recorded in my journal was predicated on there being an extra week - as in, I thought it was the 7th of May when it was actually the 14th. This meant that the week in between suddenly disappeared - the world became chaotic and disorganised. I didn't know what to do; I had counted on an entire extra week to do my work and I had just found out that it was gone.
I got over it and worked extra hard over the next few days. Still, it stresses me to think about it.
I usually hate procrastinating - it is unusual for me to do so. Currently I have some torts notes open in the background and I need to go back to it now and minimise this page.
I'm back. I'm almost done with today's work.
The problem with studying is much also extends to how little sleep I get. Don't get me wrong, I usually finish by 12am (it's 11:22pm now) - but I need my playtime to keep me sane. I surf Youtube, watch movies, and all round try to relish in my "freedom" (while still feeling guilty) in my last few hours of the day, before I need to wake up and do it all again the next day.
I feel like this semester has been the worst. I've worked the hardest. The pay-off is that I've gotten the highest marks that I've gotten at university so far, which really pleases me. However, I still don't *really know* because my upcoming exams are worth 60% each. It's possible that all the work I've done thus far will come to nothing, if I have a bad day.
I dread exams, far more than the usual person does. I fainted in the middle of an exam last year, because I had just realised I'd forgotten to read an entire sentence in my essay question, and had not addressed it at all although I was coming to the end of that particular essay and was about to begin the next. I got heart palpitations, began to feel faint, started to inform the exam supervisor standing next to me that I was going to faint, before the darkness became enveloping. It was horrible. I was extremely paranoid it was going to happen again during my next exam. I bought gum and chewed it to relieve stress. I listened to the Beatles' 'Across the Universe' to calm my nerves, and then I became anxious that it would be stuck in my head whilst I am doing the exam.
I am aware of how fucked I am.
I am aware I'm not alone. I know many high-achieving people, however none that experience the same anxiety attacks that I do. I'd like to meet someone who does one day.
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