1 down, 1 to go

So yesterday I did my contracts exam. No major dramas. I brought a bottle of water in with me as I find that helps the most when I'm in a fainting spell. I felt unusually calm, although there was a spike in adrenaline when I finished the multiple choice part to tackle on the first essay answer problem question. But all in all, it was okay (though some people said it was the worst exam they had ever sat).

It's just my torts exam left now. I was doing a few problem questions. They take absolutely ages to write. My consolation, however, is that the tutors said this exam would be much shorter. Thank god.

How not to "relax" for exams

I get stressed. Really, really stressed for exams. I mentioned before that I fainted in one last year. It was so scary. Yet I remember the only thought in my mind was that every second I spent recovering, unable to lift my body from the table, was a second less I had to finish my answer. The exam supervisors were telling me to fuck the exam, look at the state you're in, what on earth are you doing? At the same time I was lying there, dragging my hand along the page, struggling to get past the tunnel vision I was experiencing. It was horrible. I cried afterwards.

So to anyone who has ever felt like they are affected more severely than exams than the average student: You are not alone.

I was terrified when my next exam came a week later. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen again. I bought some gum before my train ride to the examination hall to ease stress by chewing, and put soothing music the whole way. Walking into the room - the same room I had exited in tears the week before - completely filled me with dread. I didn't know if I could take it.

The thing is it's irrational; no matter how hard or long I spend studying, no matter how prepared I am or feel, there's just something about examinations that floors me.

I feel like at this point I am supposed to tell you about how I overcame it, or some secret to reducing stress in such a situation. People say "just focus on your breathing" - I tried that at the time, but when you're gone, you're gone. My next exam is in 2 days, and the one after is on Saturday.

Perhaps I'll have an answer then. At the moment, however, I'm just hoping it won't happen again.

High Distinctions and worries

So I was pretty glad the other day when I found out I got a high distinction for class participation in torts, particularly when earlier my tutor said she'd be unlikely to give a high distinction to anyone in my class (subtext: because we sucked ass at it).

Though in the end it doesn't matter. For torts, one of the assessments is class participation, but there's also an optional essay. For those who do the essay, the higher mark of the two is doubled to represent 40% of their marks in the subject. I received the exact same mark for both, so I guess I was less excited about the HD than perhaps would be usual for me.

I've skipped revue practice the last 3 times - earlier I had emailed the director about saying I wouldn't be attending until after my last exam. It's a bit strange for me because usually I'm a huge keen bean (last year I didn't miss even one rehearsal, and I was only late once - by an hour - because my boyfriend and I had a few days break in the Blue Mountains and we were hurrying back in our 2 hour drive back to Sydney). But this semester I've gone all crazy on work.

My mental health was relatively good today, although my first exam's in 4 days. As I'm typing this I'm proof-checking the last 6 pages of the thousand pages of notes I've typed this semester (I wish I was kidding, but it's a pretty accurate figure). Yesterday my mum and sister were going to Vivid, and although I had work left over for the day I thought, what the hell, I literally hadn't been out of the house in 2 weeks - as in completely literally not gone out except for one time when I walked out into the back yard for 3 minutes to make sure I wasn't completely vitamin D deficient. So I went. I regretted it at the time - it was dull, cold, and I kept thinking of all the work I was missing out on doing and how I'd have to do everything the next day. I appreciated it when I got back home, though. The fresh air cleared my head a bit and I actually finished the majority of what I had planned for that day, working into the wee hours of the morning.

To top it off, it's only 8:13pm and I'm actually almost done. This is great. No more working at midnight from now on (..for this semester)! It's just practice papers from here on in.

Okay I think I'll get the rest of my work over with before I write anymore. Just to totally relax.

Done. I don't feel relaxed. I feel really anxious and guilty I'm not doing work right now.

Okay, I had a quick look at some past papers to try and convince/assure myself I know what I'm doing.

I have been obsessed with Wildfox Bel Air sunglasses for an hour now.