I get stressed. Really, really stressed for exams. I mentioned before that I fainted in one last year. It was so scary. Yet I remember the only thought in my mind was that every second I spent recovering, unable to lift my body from the table, was a second less I had to finish my answer. The exam supervisors were telling me to fuck the exam, look at the state you're in, what on earth are you doing? At the same time I was lying there, dragging my hand along the page, struggling to get past the tunnel vision I was experiencing. It was horrible. I cried afterwards.
So to anyone who has ever felt like they are affected more severely than exams than the average student: You are not alone.
I was terrified when my next exam came a week later. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen again. I bought some gum before my train ride to the examination hall to ease stress by chewing, and put soothing music the whole way. Walking into the room - the same room I had exited in tears the week before - completely filled me with dread. I didn't know if I could take it.
The thing is it's irrational; no matter how hard or long I spend studying, no matter how prepared I am or feel, there's just something about examinations that floors me.
I feel like at this point I am supposed to tell you about how I overcame it, or some secret to reducing stress in such a situation. People say "just focus on your breathing" - I tried that at the time, but when you're gone, you're gone. My next exam is in 2 days, and the one after is on Saturday.
Perhaps I'll have an answer then. At the moment, however, I'm just hoping it won't happen again.
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